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User talk:ChristianMeans20
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Oh Mary page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 01:49, May 8, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:52, May 8, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:18, May 8, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:30, May 8, 2017 (UTC) Re: Deletion It was deleted because it failed to meet quality standards. Even if we ignore the capitalization (""This won't be your doom." She (she) lied.", ""Let me check." She (she) said.", "She told ill (Ill, additionally Ill is an awkward name when there are other rhyming names that would work like Jill, Bill, etc.) to stand still.", ""Huh, What (what) the heck?!"", etc. ) punctuation (""In the Janitor(')s room.(,)" Lilly said.", etc.), wording ("but her brian (brain) was tall."), there are still a lot of plot and style issues here. The wording is very clunky. Rhymes like: "She was small, / but her brian was tall.", ""Let me check." She said. / "Huh, What the heck?!" Lilly replied confused.", and "Ill screamed from the top of his lungs / She told him to "Shut up or I'll have you hung!"" really create stumbling points in the poem itself. Speaking of flow and rhythm, there are a number of rhythm inconsistencies here: "Hidden deep in her pocket. / She was going to use for someone's socket." Typically you want to make a poem as lyrical as possible with similar syllable sets to keep it going at a set pace. There is no real reason to have dissonance here as there's no thematic quality for their being discord in the story. There are also a lot of awkward rhymes here that make it seem like this was written in a single sitting and not much time was spent revising it afterwards: "Ill screamed from the top of his lungs She told him to "Shut up or I'll have you hung!"" (additionally that dialogue doesn't really fit into the story as there's no reference to Lilly having any sort of status to order someone's hanging), "Lilly grabbed Ill and told him to follow away, / that will soon be her prey.", "The true nature of Lilly, / was that she was a killy.", etc. I would suggest reading your next poem aloud and marking the awkward rhymes as there are a number throughout the story. Onto the story, it feels very jumbled with lines contradicting each other and coming off as out-of-place when read: ""Let me check." She said. / "Huh, What the heck?!" Lilly replied confused." What confused her in that scene? She just lured Ill to a Janitor's closet. Her confusion isn't mentioned again and feels inserted in to add a slight rhyme in the line. It really feels rushed for lines to come out of nowhere like that and not really have a place in the story. The dialogue is also awkward and shoe-horned in to try and give the poem a rhyming scheme. "In the Janitors room." Lilly said. / "This won't be your doom." She lied." and ""Let me check." She said. / "Huh, What the heck?!" Lilly replied confused."" I'm sorry, but there are other issues in your poetry (these problems were also present in "Oh Mary" which I deleted earlier as well.) that really weaken the overall quality of the story and result in it being below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:53, May 8, 2017 (UTC)